THE DEATH OF A BATHROOM LIGHT

One day a man deciding to have a bath went into the bathroom to turn the light on, but as soon as he pulled the light switch the light soon after it came on went out.
The carer, Miss Slippers came up and said,
'I'm going to  call the electrician."
The electrician came and said:
'I'm afraid the light on the ceiling has just died.
I will sign the death certificate so that a funeral for the light can be arranged."


The certificate was signed and the man's cousin arranged a funeral for the bathroom light that just died because it had run its course.


Next day a funeral was held at Redbridge light bulb cemetery, where there were loads of people, even Ilford Town Hall.


Amongst the people was the resident's bathroom in which the light bulb once belonged.
It was crying because it missed the light that once lit it up.

FORBIDDEN LODGE

Once upon a time there stood a support home where loads of rooms were out of bounds, even the front street door.
This means that the front door where you came in was from now on to be made available to staff only.
This meant that residents had to get into their flats by climbing in through the windows of their homes from the outside.
If on the ground floor you could use a window door key to open either your bedroom window or your living room window, but if you lived upstairs you had to scale the brick wall and climb onto a narrow ledge, but had to be careful whilst opening your window whilst standing on a narrow ledge or you could fall off the ledge and down to the ground.

Many residents didn't like the staff because they had a proper street door to get into the support home where they worked, whilst the residents had to climb in through the windows of their flats from the outside compound and car park order in order to get into their own homes.

This wasn't the only malady, for residents weren't allowed to get into the main part of the support home, which included the corridors, the dining room, kitchen and garden, plus other areas of the support home as they were for staff only.

Residents couldn't even enter their own homes through the front door on their flats which opened out into the corridor, as staff only were allowed to use the front door in order to enter the resident's home.

The front door of the tenants flat was out of bounds to the tenant himself or herself as only staff could use it to enter and leave the flat.

To remedy the situation of the residents having to enter their flats through the windows it was decided to install proper street doors for each flat, and for the upstairs flats, a balcony, to save the upstairs residents the ordeal of having to scale the wall and climb onto a narrow ledge in order to get into their flats by climbing in through the windows from the outside of the building.

Once street doors were installed, one for each flat, residents were able to enter their homes without having to climb in through the window from the outside.

THE MAN WHO TOOK HIS FLAT ON HOLIDAY WITH HIM

Once upon a time it was decided that the time had come for the man to go on holiday, but he couldn't part with his flat so he thought up a plan,
"Why not take your flat on holiday with you, for you could be on holiday and at home the same time.


The next plan was to disconnect the flat from the rest of the block.
The flat was unbolted from Axmayes Lodge and lowered down to the ground by crane then loaded onto the back of a lorry.
The lorry had a passenger compartment at the front where the man and his cousin sat, but it was also a car station so the car which the man's cousin was driving could remain on the lorry until they got to Warners Duckpit Holiday Village in Hayling island, a holiday camp where people stay in their own homes which they have taken on holiday with them.


For lunch Tony Spitter and his cousin got out of the car inside a lorry and went into the Devil's Punchdrunk Bowl Restaurant in Hindlegs, Surrey, then they sped off and continued on the rest of the journey down the AA.3 road, towards Shavant, and crossing over into Hayling Island.


The holiday camp was in Dog Mess Lane.


Once at the camp the car was unloaded from the lorry and left through a hatch at the side, then the flat was undocked from the lorry and bolted into the ground.
Once this was done the man went into his flat (now on holiday) and had his tea.


Taking your own home on holiday with you had the advantage that you didn't have to pack your stuff into a suitcase for it was already there in your flat, saving you the ordeal on having to pack and unpack.
Also the other advantage was that you could take your own computer with you for it was already in your flat which you took with you on holiday.

THE MAN WHO BROKE A PLATE

Kevin Nobody was washing up one night when, "all of a sudden the plate fell out of his hand and landed, "Smack, Right on the floor shattering into many fragments. He managed to use a dustpan, but the fluff in the pan suddenly flew up to to his face causing him to sneeze, so hard that it caused a powerful tremor.

In fact the force was so powerful that the cupboards burst open and all the crockery flew out landing, smack, on the floor, with the result that they all got broken, shattering into a load of fragments all over the kitchen floor. In fact some of the broken pieces of plates ,cups and saucers flew into the dining room.
Meanwhile, outside,
People walking to their flats got thrown to the ground in the corridor due to the powerful tremor caused by a man sneezing so hard. The carer, Edna Plate, went up to investigate to see what it was all about. As she walked into the man's flat she saw a load of broken crockery on the floor as well as knives, forks and spoons, but as she tried to piece together what it was all about the man started to sneeze, so powerful that Edna plate got thrown right across the room.


"You, you've gone too far this time.
I know what I am going to do, I am going to call the police.
I'm afraid I can't take it anymore, with you sneezing like that, you blew me across the room.
You're just a dangerous person who should be locked away."


The police came, bundled the sneezer into the a van and drove off to a prison where the man got locked up for 50 years.
His crime:
Sneezing dangerously with the force of an earthquake.
By the time the man was released from jail he was returned to his flat, but his carer Edna Plate had shrunk to only two inches tall due to advanced age.

THE POWERCUT IN GOODCHILD COURT

One day whilst a man was busy tidying up in the kitchen the lights suddenly went out. Not only the lights, but even the fridge felt the full brunt of the power failure, this meant that it had to be kept airtight because there wasn’t any power to keep the fridge cold; even the freezer lost its power, to keep food completely frozen, and if power wasn’t immediately restored all the food would rot away; in fact it was the eggs that did, which meant that by the time power was restored two hours later it was too late the eggs had died, and when the fridge was opened the man who owned the flat got more than he bargained for, for the rotten eggs started to discharge and, ‘all of a sudden spewed out poisonous gas. Overcome by the stinking eggs the flat owner made a beeline for the flat door, but too late, the poisonous gas from the decomposed eggs escaped into the surrounding rooms filling it with dangerous gas. The’ fumes from the rotten eggs in the fridge’ was so foul that the man collapsed and died for a few minutes. As quick as lightening he ran to the door and ran out to tell the manager about the rotten egg poison filling his flat after it escaped from his fridge, but, even as he opened the door the poison spilled out into the corridor and invaded other peoples flats, even into the whole building, eventually invading the manager’s office. As quick as lightening she ran out of the room like a shot. The flat owner Ian Jam explained what happened, that rotten eggs in his fridge started to discharge and spilled out a dangerous gas that escaped into surrounding rooms and that it nearly killed me; not only that, when I opened the flat door the gas escaped into neighbouring flats and the whole block.

“Right, I’m going to evacuate the whole flat and re - house the tenants until the block is fumigated because it’s so poisonous that even a whiff could kill.”

Health inspectors were called up to the flat wearing breathing apparatus and emptied out the whole fridge. To prevent dangerous disease all the food in the fridge and freezer had to be chucked away. The whole fridge was cleaned out with carbolic acid to kill the noxious germs.

It was two weeks before all the tenants moved back into Goodmayes Lodge.

Eventually a warning was issued to tenants not to buy eggs after what happened because they could become poisonous during a power cut; not only that, the worst scenario is that even monsters could hatch out of the rotten eggs and eat the owner, so the support officer suggested that people should grow their own eggs in the allotment.

THE DAY THE DIAL A RIDE TURNED UP TOO EARLY

One day at Wheelbarrow Lodge the dial a ride turned up at 6am to take Bernard Tismansion to his day centre, Brian Dudsbury in Coathanger Drive Ilford, but the resident of this home was still in bed, when he suddenly heard the intercom going off.

Luckilly one of the sleep in staff happened to be around for she had just got up and saw the dial a ride and the resident making his way to the bus.

Immediately she got down to her car but the dial a ride had gone so she got into her car and just as she got to the top of the road she saw the dial a ride but it just went on and didn't stop until it reached the day centre.

Soon the carer reached the man's centre and saw the man. She got him into her car and returned him to his home.

The carer told the man:

"I am going to report that dial a ride driver for dragging you out from your flat too early."

The carer got onto dial a ride services about the dial a ride turning up at 6 am and said that they will look into it, but the dial a ride again turned up early, in fact at 4 am the next day.

The carer heard the bus, got dressed and rushed downstairs, went outside and told the driver:

"Don't you ever come this early again otherwise I'll report you."

RESIDENT GOING BERSERK IN FLAT

One night in Flat no. 23z a resident went off her rocker all because a man in the next door flat was filling up a jug of water from the tap, which was set at full blast, making it very, very loud, in fact, so loud that the person next door went berserk and started chucking things about. Next she came up to the loud water tap man’s flat burst down the door and punched the man in the face, all because he filled up his jug with water.
“You, You scum you woke me up with your noise, next time I’ll chuck you out of the window, it’s the scum farm you should be, not here.”
In a frantic attempt to escape the hooligan the frightened resident pressed the red button; this brought one of the ‘sleep in staff down and she phoned the police. They came and took the woman from flat 23z to the punishment farm.
In the end the resident, Derek Fridge, had to be re - housed for his own safety – at Goldmilk Lodge.
This support home contained an isolation block where from now on he would live. This section, cut off from the rest of the block of flats, was a safe area where no one could have a go at the resident. Here he could make as much noise as he liked for no one could get at him.

THE DAY WORKMEN ARRIVED AT SOMEONE’S FLAT

One day, in Yahoo Lodge a man in flat no 7mmm needed work to be done.
The workmen arrived and filled his kitchen up with a load of boxes, bags of cement and work materials.
The flat tenant couldn't get into his kitchen because it was blocked up with a load of boxes from floor to ceiling. Not only that,
The man had one additional problem to deal with,


' a stuffed up sink, for the workmen had sealed over the top of the kitchen sink with a load of sticky sealing tape, the sort of tape used to seal cardboard boxes with.
This made it impossible to use the sink because it was sealed over with tape.

THE STORY OF BARRY LONG LEGS

Once upon a time there existed a man called Barry Long Legs all because he had six legs, and was a pest who invaded other people's flats, crawling all over the place, climbing into fridges and urinating on a loaf of bread. As a result the bread swelled up and burst, showing loads of pieces all over the place.

In fact a piece of bread caught a resident in the eye and made him blind.

However, that wasn't the only thing, for the ammonia from the urine spread to the rest of his head and killed his brain.

The man was still alive, but couldn't move because he had no brain.

The urine infested bread killed it.

The carer on her rounds went to check the flats. She rang on the door and Barry Long Legs opened it.

The carer to her shock saw David Oof lying on the floor unable to remove so called an ambulance, but, just as she was about to the pest slammed the door shut.

"Will you please open the door".

But the pest wouldn't so the carer went to the nearest telephone and called the police they pushed the door open and arrested Barry Long Legs and sent him to prison for killing the another man's brain.

The man whose brain died got taken to a brain hospital and in a five day operation received a new brain - from a brain tree in the hospital's garden.

He remained in hospital for ten years.

THE FOOD RATIONING SHOPPING LIST SAGA

One day Fred Applejuice, a resident at Goodmeal House support home was told by his cousin Billy Hook that he must cut down on the amount of food that he's allowed to buy everytime he goes shopping because if food is left too long it will go bad.
Not only that, food is being wasted and the less food the better. 

The news was relayed to the carer Rose Garden and when she did take the man shopping at Tesco he was told what to choose and what not to choose, and one rule was that he was to be restricted to only one apple per week and half an orange per week and the smallest lettuce you could find, only two inches wide.


The other draconian rule was that milk should only be restricted to half a pint per week.

Another thing, when it came to cabbage you were only allowed a piece no bigger than a coin.

As for the bread, because of the enforced food rationing dished out by the resident's cousin, the resident was to be only allowed one slice per week, and only one pack of meat.

These draconian rules on food led to the man having to go without any breakfast.


The resident of Goodmeal House, Fred applejuice often starved day after day because of the severe food rationing imposed upon him.


"I'm hungry, I'm hungry, fill me up, fill me up"shouted the resident.

"Oh, shut up boy shouted the carer Rose Garden, otherwise I'll put you into a care home.
You're one hell of a trouble, and you're disturbing the residents.


You'll only buy what you're told to buy my boy.

You do as you're told."



The hunger caused by enforced food rationing because the man was wasting too much food, led to riots in the flat, with the man banging doors and shouting and swearing.



So craved with hunger was the man that he left his flat and banged the door in a temper, then ran out into the car park shouting and screaming then banging dustbin lids.

One of the carers, Veranda Scott, saw it all rushed out and shouted:

"You, I've had enough of you, for this I'm sending you to be sectioned at Badmayes Hospital".



The police came and bundled Fred applejuice into a car and sent him to the local psychiatric hospital Badmayes.



To control him the man was heavily drugged and re - educated.



Eventually, the man learnt how to survive on measly portions of food, and not to raise any more commotions.

SOME TYPE OF FLAT

One day Simon Eels moved into Eggtree Lodge support home and was shocked to find that his bedroom was only six foot wide by six foot. This meant that he had to use the wall as a wardrobe, right above the back of his bed where he was sleeping, with the risk that the clothes hung up on the wall - drobe could collapse right down on top of him whilst he was sleeping. In order to counteract this he installed a pram hood on top of his pillow. 

Not only did the occupier use  the wall used as a wardrobe he also had to put his shoe rack right on the wall above his bed. Although the pram hood provided protection against the clothes falling off the wall it didn't shield Simon Eels from shoes falling down on top of him whilst he was asleep. The shoes could crash right through the pram hood and go, smack, right down on his head. That's the risk he had to take, and if it did ever happen he wouldn't be able press the red cord alarm because he would be in a coma. It would only come to light in the morning when one of the staff would ring on his door and get no response. He or she would get another member of staff and bring up the master key to unlock Simon's flat and call an ambulance.

There was one other option. That was to sleep on the floor in the lounge, and he did in the end. The danger was eventually resolved by putting the shoes in the lounge on top of a settee.

the lounge was a bit bigger- seven foot wide.

Simon Eels had a fridge and how small it was, only two foot high so he had to store his bread and drinks in a briefcase. 

Because bread could decay so quickly in a briefcase he had to eat it in one go with the result that it could make him burp as loud as a bomb causing the houses outside to collapse.

if the bread did decay so fast considering it was kept in a briefcase it would pong and stink like a rotten egg chucked down a toilet bowl.

Not only was the fridge so tiny it was also hot inside. This meant that whenever you put food inside it would rot five minutes later. As it happened one of the staff happened to be walking in when she checked the fridge, and when she opened it it let out a terrible pong.

All the food inside had rotted away. In the end the tenant had to make do with take away meals because he could eat them straight away, but had to eat them the same day. Luckilly he went to a day centre which provided meals. Because he had to buy a take away meal during the day he had to go without breakfast due to a hot fridge.

In the end the faulty fridge had to be replaced. This meant that he had to spend all his life savings. 

As he had no money for dinner in his day centre he had to do without. Luckilly there was other food stored in the centre in which he could eat at anytime.

Simon Eels often yearned for the roomy home he left behind never to return to it.

BREAK EGG LODGE

One day when a man went shopping he got all his goods, went home, and,’ whilst trying to bring the shopping in he broke an egg – yolk all over the place, and you can see why, because he was living in a support home called Break Egg Lodge.

This home was in Billericay lane, Ilford.

The manager at this home was George Dogg.

The block was home to 230 residents and had 45 floors.

Downstairs was an eating mall and a kitchen with 30 foot high dish washer. This was needed owing to the number of people who lived here, and had a massive fridge which was so tall that it went right through the roof of this block of flats, approximately one mile high. Because of this the residents had to climb out onto the roof in order to reach the fridge, which was one massive tower.

Not only that, a ladder had to be used so the residents could reach the top of the fridge in order to load the food into the fridge, which meant that the residents had to carry the food up the ladder with a wheel barrow.

As soon as they reached the top they then opened up the fridge and dropped the food into it.

THE SLOWCOACH

There was a man who lived at Goodmayes Lodge who was so slow that it took ten hours for him to get ready on getting up.
When the Dial a Ride arrived the very slow man was still dressing and hadn’t yet had his breakfast.
“Will you please hurry up the Dial a Ride’s here said the manager”.
“But I can’t, said the resident, I’ve just got up 7.30 this morning and I’m still dressing.”
“If you don’t get ready right now I’ll bring someone into your flat to drag you out, I can’t put up with anyone being so slow like you. You’re holding everybody up”
In the end the manager brought up one of the guards. He burst into the flat and dragged Tommy Dunsmure out of the flat by force.
“Let go of me, tyrant shouted the resident”.
“If you say that I’ll send you to prison, shouted the guard”.
“Get overthrown you shouted Tommy Dunsmure.”
“Right, you’re going to jail right now shouted the guard”.
The offensive resident was slung into jail for abusive behaviour towards one of the manager’s guards.

THE POWER CUT IN GOODMAYES LODGE

One day whilst a man was busy tidying up in the kitchen the lights suddenly went out. Not only the lights, but even the fridge felt the full brunt of the power failure, this meant that it had to be kept airtight because there wasn’t any power to keep the fridge cold; even the freezer lost its power, to keep food completely frozen, and if power wasn’t immediately restored all the food would rot away; in fact it was the eggs that did, which meant that by the time power was restored two hours later it was too late the eggs had died, and when the fridge was opened the man who owned the flat got more than he bargained for, for the rotten eggs started to discharge and, ‘all of a sudden spewed out poisonous gas. Overcome by the stinking eggs the flat owner made a beeline for the flat door, but too late, the poisonous gas from the decomposed eggs escaped into the surrounding rooms filling it with dangerous gas. The’ fumes from the rotten eggs in the fridge’ was so foul that the man collapsed and died for a few minutes. As quick as lightening he ran to the door and ran out to tell the manager about the rotten egg poison filling his flat after it escaped from his fridge, but, even as he opened the door the poison spilled out into the corridor and invaded other peoples, even into the whole building, eventually invading the manager’s office. As quick as lightening she ran out of the room like a shot. The flat owner Ian Jam explained what happened, that rotten eggs in his fridge started to discharge and spilled out a dangerous gas that escaped into surrounding rooms and that it nearly killed me; not only that, when I opened the flat door the gas escaped into neighbouring flats and the whole block.

“Right, I’m going to evacuate the whole flat and re - house the tenants until the block is fumigated because it’s so poisonous that even a whiff could kill.”

Health inspectors were called up to the flat wearing breathing apparatus and emptied out the whole fridge. To prevent dangerous disease all the food in the fridge and freezer had to be chucked away. The whole fridge was cleaned out with carbolic acid to kill the noxious germs.

It was two weeks before all the tenants moved back into Goodmayes Lodge.

Eventually a warning was issued to tenants not buy eggs after what happened because they could become poisonous during a power cut; not only that, the worst scenario is that even monsters could hatch out of the rotten eggs and eat the owner, so the support officer suggested that people should grow their own eggs in the allotment.

THE DIAL – A – RIDE TURNS UP

One day in Flat 11.8 Bernard Gatepost was in the toilet when all of a sudden the intercom went off, announcing:
“Dial – a – Ride!”
The resident wasn’t even ready, only half – way through, and what a commotion he raised, bawling at the top of his voice. His stoma bag was half- full when he had to get dressed and rushed like anything and gave his flat door such a bang that it fell off its hinges. A tenant in the next flat shouted:
“Madman, why don’t get sent away, this flat’s for decent people not maddies like you.”
The man rushed down to Dial – a – Ride and sat with Dan Desperate, another tenant in Goodboys Lodge.
Meanwhile, upstairs the other tenant got his own back on the screamer by chucking a cup down at him from Flat 12
“Take that mad scum and hop it, I don’t want to see you here ever again you’ve caused just about enough trouble. The Dial – a – Ride driver seeing what happened reported the hateful tenant to the scheme manager and she got her removed from Goodboys Lodge the same day for chucking a cup at a disturbed resident.
The door that was wrenched from its hinges by banging it in a temper got repaired.
The tenant, Bernard gatepost, attended Boxtop Day Centre in Clarence Avenue, Gants Hill.
At 3.99 pm Dial – a – Ride turned up. It was now time to go home, but on the way in Scrambrook Road Dial – a – Ride got delayed because a big monster was blocking up the road. Police were trying to coax the dragon off the road but it just wouldn’t budge so they tranquilised it and used a crane to hoist it up onto a lorry. The lorry took it to a dragon zoo and put it into a compound surrounded by a fence made up of lions to prevent it from escaping.
The Dial – a – Ride returned the tenant to Goodboys Lodge and he saw that his flat door was now safely back on. The support worker Daffodil Imbert saw him back safely.

THE MAN WHO HAD TO RUSH FOR THE DIAL A RIDE

Terry Pencil was only half way through his breakfast when an announcement was read over the intercom that dial a ride was here, the driver shouted
“Dial a ride!”
But the man was still eating his breakfast. 
He was still eating it when, ‘all of a sudden, the carer shouts over the intercom,
Come down here at once the Dial a ride’s here.”
In the end one of the carer’s henchmen rushes up to Terry Pencil’s flat, unlocks the door with the master key the drags the screaming resident out of his flat.
“You do as you’re told my boy, when the Dial a ride’s here you have to come down when you’re told.
The henchman, Bill Knuckleduster, got really tough on Terry pencil; he was with his assistant Marsha Mallow, they then dragged the man down to the dial a ride, driven by Kevin Mackerel. Another person was on the dial a ride, her name was Arriva Bus; she was a resident of Badmeat Lodge where Terry Pencil lived.
There were 25 other residents of this support home.
Here’s a list of these residents.




1. Brioche Ziva
2. Henry Knockes
3. Soda Bicarbonate 
4. Ian Files
5. Graham Eggtree
6. Bee Peril 
7. Malcolm Tea
8. Andrew Salts
9. Nigel Chicken 
10. Lorna Mower
11. Bella Ricky 
12. Basil Don 
13. Ben Fleet
14. Lionel Tamer
15. Melissa Firefox
16. Nova Wipes
17. George Google
18. Penny Sill
19. Michael Thames
20. Tony Nails
21. Isla Wight
22. Fred Cowdung
23. Chelsea Bun
24. Dorma Tree
25. Barry Beef[/b]

MIDNIGHT GARDEN LODGE

                        






                                                                       

One day a man decided to move into a support home called Midnight Garden Lodge
because at midnight when the clock struck the resident would suddenly find himself
waking up in his old house, the house he left behind when he moved into the sheltered home.

The new man went to bed as usual at 11.00, but when the clock struck 12.00, midnight
a transformation took place.

The man suddenly found himself back in his old house, ' the surroundings so quiet, with
just the gardens of each house in front, in comparison to the main road with lots of
traffic in which he was living in now.

When morning came in this midnight world he woke up to hear his parents who had
been dead for many years.

Tom Midnight, as was his name, was the latest man to move into Midnight Garden Lodge, where every night he went to bed as usual in his new home, a support home, but when
the clock struck 12.00, Midnight he was immediately transformed back to a time when
he was living in Southwood Gardens, waking up in the house he left behind.
Tom Midnight was having his breakfast with his parents in this long ago world.
Then:
'suddenly he woke up and found himself back in his new home.
The time was now 12.05 am, only five minutes since he travelled back in time, but in
that long ago world he was away for many many hours.

Every night Tom Midnight travelled back in time to his childhood, teens, when he was a
young adult and, 'just before he moved house.

One night Tom went into the toilet of his flat but, suddenly he found himself inside the
toilet of his old house, and when he went back to bed the bedroom was in his old
house. He climbed into bed and a change took place for he saw from his bed that the
bedroom suddenly became the bedroom he's now sleeping in - the room in his new flat.

MAN GOING BERSERK IN FLAT

One of the residents in Goodboys Lodge decided to vacuum clean his flat. The cleanup was successfully done, but the machine needed emptying because it was very full. The machine was opened up and, ‘what a mess he created, all fluff over his trousers, shirt, carpet and floor. The rubbish, at least some of it was picked up and binned, but, ‘as the man tried to re – assemble the vacuum cleaner he ran into difficulties and went off like a madman, screaming, shouting and raving. The hullabaloo brought one of the support staff running up to see what it was all about. A ring was heard on the door and the scheme manager appeared.

“Hey you, stop that at once, you’re disturbing all the other residents. Any more of that and I’ll chuck you out of this flat and get the police to commit you to Bad Dog Hospital where they’ll detain you for the rest of your life”.

The vacuum cleaner was re- assembled and the support worker said’ “I’ll let you off this time but next time I’ll expel you from Goodboys Lodge and get you committed to the mind hospital in Rotten Egg Lane.

Goodboys Lodge is a support home that deals with mental health and older people. It has 24 flats, two with hole in the ground baths to prevent people from falling out of the bath as well as a shower above the toilet so people can have a bath whilst sitting on the toilet.

The communal lounge downstairs has a toilet to sit on whilst people are watching television so if they’re caught short this will save them having to get up from their seats.

The television has a built in drinks unit so residents can draw orange juice and other drinks straight out of the television set.

Every Friday there is a fish and chip meal served in a chamber pot and eaten on star shaped plates.

Now it’s back to the man who went off his rocker.

Bernard Inkman was prone to temper outbursts because of his autistic state. This could lead to complaints from staff and residents alike and result in the man being sent away to the local hospital.

THE HORROR BENEATH THE FRIDGE

One day when a man was about to open the fridge there was a terrible pong. The carer came up, pulled the fridge out and was shocked to find a dead body underneath the fridge.
It had lain there for five weeks and was decomposed. Its no wonder the fridge stunk.
The dustmen came and removed the dead man that had lain beneath a fridge for five weeks.


Due to the risk of catching a deadly disease all the food in the fridge had to be chucked out and put into yellow bags to avoid contamination from deadly germs that could seep out of the bag in the ordinary wheelie bin.
Also, the fridge had to be destroyed and replaced by another fridge.
Not only that, all the food that became contaminated because of the rotting corpse underneath a fridge had to be replaced - the same day, and this amounted to a massive shopping bill. To compensate for this the man's cousin went to a money shop and bought a load of money, he then gave it to his cousin.


The dead body underneath a fridge meant that the flat had to be fumigated.
The man was offered temporary accommodation, in his cousin's house whilst the flat was being disinfected to kill the deadly germs left over from a dead body that lay beneath a fridge.


After two days the flat was fit enough to be habitable again.


The cause of the dead body beneath a fridge was the result of a man who tried to get to the top floor through the ceiling of one of the flats and landed in a flat above - right underneath a fridge and got stuck there.
He suffocated and was dead five minutes later.
It only came to light when the support worker who was doing her rounds the next day phoned the man's relatives as the man, a visitor was his cousin, but saw no sign of him so she got out the master key,opened the door and found that he had gone, but what she did find was a hole in the ceiling, but what she did not know about was that there was a dead body 20 feet above, and, 'unbeknown to her the man went through the ceiling to get to the top floor but, because of the risk of collapse she called the workmen who then closed up the gap.
the carer did however phone the police to search for the missing man, a cousin of the resident but could find no trace of him. That wasn't until a man opened his fridge and was overwhelmed by a terrible stink that came from the fridge. This brought the carer up who then uncovered the dead body.


The news of a dead body beneath a fridge sent shockwaves through the entire block of flats.
The residents were really shocked to find out that the dead man was a cousin of one of the residents.
The next of kin were informed by the man's death beneath a fridge and a funeral was held in which relatives and some of the residents came to give him a send off.
The carers told them about the man trying to get to the top floor through the ceiling of his flat.

THE YELLOW TOILET

One day a man using his toilet in the flat was told by one of the carers that he must use a yellow bag to relieve himself into as it was a more hygienic toilet than the humble toilet bowl. This was to prevent the toilet from being contaminated with dangerous bugs, which would result in disease being spread throughout the entire block of flats at Gumtree Lodge,
23 Marvellous Lane, Ilford.

The yellow bag was a clinical waste disposal bag, not only for medical leftovers, but also for use as a toilet.

The resident was also told that he must carry a supply of yellow bag toilets (a yellow bag used as a toilet) everywhere he goes so he wouldn't spread germs all over the place, and that includes the day centre where he goes to, ‘and another thing,

'if no toilet is a available then he could use his clinical waste disposal bag as a toilet.
Once he has gone to toilet in a yellow bag then he takes it to the gents toilet down the road, empties it then puts it into a yellow bin inside the gents toilet, a bin with a flush system, for when you put your yellow clinical waste disposal bag into the bin you pull the chain on this bin and it gets flushed down out of harm's way, into disinfectant bath down below the ground and neutralised, all the germs being killed, before it gets put into an underground incinerator and burnt.