THE LATE, LATE, LATE DIAL A RIDE

One day the Dial a Ride turned up at a man’s flat in the early hours of the morning, 1.00 am, to take him to a day or, rather, night centre but he was still in bed, fast asleep so one of the staff brought up a huge dog who then burst into the man’s flat and dragged Simon Radio out of bed. The dog opened the window then dragged the man outside and down the wall. Next, the dog dragged the screaming sleeper along the ground and slung him into the Dial a ride.


“Thanks Dog said Mr. Pitball, the bus driver, you’ve at last brought the lazy good for nothing into the Dial a ride, now I’m going to drag him off to Duckside Night Day Centre.”


The resenting man was brought into the centre by a doorman who booted him through the street door.






Immediately the man was made to work on a computer that squirted ink at the man who was using it. It also had a hidden dog lurking inside its drive. Any murmur and the dog would pop out of the computer and bite the programmer.


When it came to going to the toilet you were only allowed five seconds, any longer then the manager would send a whacking great big dog into the loo which would make a meal of you, so, ‘beware, do as you’re told, any breach of the centre and you would end up in a cement mixer.


There was nothing worse than forcing a man who was having a good night’s sleep to go to the day centre in the early hours of the morning, and it was the monstrous flat warden Tyrannica  Bighead. She was a real tyrant and owned a 20 foot long Alsation dog who she used for dragging people out of their beds who refused to get up when it was time to go to the centre, and it was her idea to send people to day centres in the middle of the night half – way through their sleep. However one chap, Sydney Dungpile took the law into his own hands. He brought a big Rottweiler into his flat and set it on the warden’s dog and other staff. They called the police and the man was sent to prison.




Duckside Day Night Centre was a tough boot camp style centre ruled by Geoffrey Smoker, a big monstrous boss who chucked plates at any member who was in breach of the rules, and it was his idea to insert dogs into the computers’ hard drives so any one who misbehaved would be set upon by the hidden monster living inside a hard drive.


The boss, Geoffrey Smoker was 15 foot tall and had a head as big as a football.


The hours in this tough centre were very long, about 17 hours and the meals were served on dirty plates, the main meal being rotten eggs and mouldy cabbage, any complaints and you would be slung into a dungeon beneath the centre where you would remain for ten hours, deprived of food and drink. If you screamed the boss would chuck stink bombs into your cell causing you to choke. 
Once you had done your time you would come out of the day centre’s underfloor dungeon and go onto a computer.
At hometime a Dial a ride came, but it was no ordinary bus for it had spikes on each seat because the mad driver made sure that every passenger would suffer.
These rules were laid out my Mr. Whackford Squeers’ dictatorial regime.[/b]